This past week or so has been a doozy. I won’t go into details, but it started with travelling home to visit my sick grandma in hospital to probably say goodbye, to a series of bombshells dropped along the way. None fatal, but definitely life changing; I’m not wounded but very much affected. Every time I regain my balance, another tremor hits.
I know I’m not alone in this, we all face times where we wonder how we’ll get through them, or how much more body blows can the Big Guy deal at once (as I discovered – you can always take one more hit than you think possible) . But cope we do, and muddle through somehow.
So there’s been lots going on, lots of talking and discussing and life altering decisions made. I tweeted earlier that if I’d had this week a year ago, I’d be drinking on it – and I’ve no doubt I would. I’m not sure I would have felt emotionally ready for some of what’s going on. In fact, if you’d have told me all this would happen six months ago I would probably wondered if it would have made me or broken me entirely. As it turns out, my emotional china has broken, but kissed back together with molten metal; I am forever changed and scarred but stronger for it. How grateful I am to be present and able to process, to trust my instinct more. For the gift of acceptance.
Instead, I feel calm. At peace with the situations – they is what they are, what will be, will be. If I can affect something I can act, otherwise it’s out of my control. It’s been a revelation to know I can just hand it over, and trust that I’ve actually been bestowed a gift, an opportunity, I just need to refocus a little to see it. This path is mine, ours, and it’s got rocky and treacherous before but I’m still here hiking, even if my breath is jagged.
And I’m resolved. I’m not sure where it’s come from, but a determination of steel has become my armour that I gather around myself and my family. I can’t describe it anymore than this – I know it will be ok. I know this is the right path, somehow. I know that we will be fine, and this is leading somewhere better. I don’t have 100% faith in many things, but I absolutely believe in my husband and I. Like the strong women in my family, we get shit done. And as long as we have all each other, and our health, we will figure everything else out. What I have under this roof is a blessing – a house full of love. And love always wins.